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Courtneyh_b
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Name: Courtney
Location: United States
Birthday: 3/11/1988
Gender: Female
Interests: writing poetry...hanging w/ friends..the knife thing again lol...
Expertise: poetry.... Music!....chasing ppl around tables w/ knives at formal functions..buying apple pie..lol
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
2/7/2003
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| love, love can make u crazy, love can make u angry, love can make u the happiest person in the world...love is sumthing that doesnt come easy, and its sumthin u have 2 work at...love is one of the greatest things on this earth, and once u get it, its hard to let go...theres so many things i could say abut love and th elove i have experienced...its jus hard 4 me to let go....im still in love, but i have no knowledge of whether the person i love feels a fraction of that feeling toward me, i feel as tho this person keeps things from me to try not to hurt me, but i hurts more, not to know...i keep asking but i get no answer..........idk.. i cant alk about it anymore.............. | | |
| I fucking hate this feeling...more than naything in the world... | | |
| Wow i havent used this thing in over a year, but i think its time for a long over due entry... i was reading over old stuff on here, my old stuff anf josh's with all the shit thats happened with me and him since we first got 2gether...wow.....i just need to vent ..anymore i feel like shit....im like a walking fuckin disaster....I'm in love with sum1 who could car eless about me or so i think at least....reading my old entries mad eme realize how bad i fucked up in the past and how much i grew....reading josh's old shit makes me think....cuz wat he wrote is exactly how i feel now...and i feel horriblwe for ever making him feel that way...its th emost horrible feeling in the world to hgo 2 bed at night thinking about 2 and a 1/2 years worth of memories and waking up knowing that he'll never be in my life....idk wat he wants, hes bettering himself or so he says...he wants his time to grow, but he wont even be civil with me, he tells me his parents dont want me talking to him bcuz im drama he doesnt need...which i really dont understand...i dont kno wat i ever did to his parents.....its just like everyday things get harder and harder for me to deal with.. i graduated, and i feel like i accomplished something there, i went on vacation in wildwood for a week and all i did was think about josh....he broke it off in fuckin march andf it still hasnt gotten any easier to deal with..if anything its only gotten worse.. i mean everydya sum1 feels inclined to call me and tell me they see him and shannon together ok...i get the point please dont call and make my day worse than it already is.. i mean dnt get me wromng i dont hide in my room all day and hide from the world crying, but i do think alot.. i havent delt with it, and i havent gotten over him and i dont see myself doing that honestly...and its not like i can really talk to any1 about it because all the say is fuck him u dnt need him dnt worru about him. but they dont understand that josh was and still is my heart...i love him, like he is th elove of my life. i couldnt love any1 on this eart like i love him, and its hard to just let go, even though thats wat i should do, everytime i try to though, this feeling in my heart says dont give up, dont push to hard but dont give up, and i think to myself y would i get that feeling if we werent meant for sumthin better than this...stacey said top day just fuck josh he has a whole nother year of school left and he's obviously messin w shannon... its likde even though i saw thwm 2 gether in her car, and ive had ppl tell me that they are hookin up, its lik ei dont wana except it...like that lil feelin inside doesnt want to believe thta its tru..or that he cares for her.. idk.. a part of me just wants so bad tro know that he still gives a fuck about me, but its like i pray and it doesnt work.. i realize that nuthing is gnn happen to morrow and that if he and i are meant to be that we will be, and i realize it would take time for use to ever be again, but he says the most hurtful things to me, and being ignored is worse than anything...cuz thats jus lik eok he really doesnt care, and when i get mad bcuz of the shit w shannon he tells me 2 get off his dick...loike i kno im not ur gf but i would love 4 him 2 just tell me if he is with sum1, id jus like to know, i kno he doesnt have to tell me but it really would be nice to know.....only reason i get so upset is because it hurts to think of him being with another gurl and thats in every sense kissing hugging, w-e doing wat he did with me with another gurl....it hurts to picture that, it hurts to remember all of the good times and bad, and just to think of him having that with her tears my heart into pieces...its sumthing i cant take, i just want him to know ok i undertsand i kno u want to be left alone, i knou wana hook up with other gurks and experince shit, i kno, i jus wana be cool, we dont have to be friends, but dont be my enemy, and please dont act like the time we spent together didnt happen, and dont say it was awaste...........i kno he feels like ignoring me will make it better,. but uh...it jus hurts....not knowuing wat will happen, not knowing if one day we will be 2gether again thats wat kills, cuz i want it so bad, but i dont wana get my hopes up 4 it....cuz i dnt kno if it will ever happen, he says it wont and he normally means wat he says, but then again hes said it b4 so i dnt kno...its just one confussing circle, and its a real mind fuck... i jus want him 2 understand...maybe one day it will all be rite, maybe one day it will all be better, maybe one day me an dhim could be happy 2gether again, bu tiall i really want is for him to be happy, and to fulfill his dreams and be all he can...cause in the end thats wat really matters to me, bcuz i love him..though i shouldnt....ill always be there for him if he needs me , he knows wher ei live my numbers and all that, and i would take a bullet for him, and he knows it....its jus like rite now shitrs so fucked up....i jus want htings to go back to the way they were.... | | |
| I like this song 4sum reason lol
Eminem (Crazy In Love)
I tell myself that I was doin' all right
There's nothin' left to do tonight
But go crazy on you
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh
Can't you see what you do to me baby,
You make me crazy, you make me act like a maniac
I'm like a lunatic, you make me sick
You're truly the only one who can do this to me
You just make me get so crazy
I go schizo, I get so insane I just go schizophrenic
One minute I wanna slit your throat the next I wanna sex
You make me crazy
The way we act like two maniacs in the sack
We fuck like two jack rabbits and maybe that's a bad habit
Cause the next day we right back at it
In the same exact pattern
What the fuck is the matter with us
We can't figure out if it's lust
Or if it's love which that is attractin us to eachother
They say that every man grows up to marry his own mother
Which would explain why you're such a motherfuckin bitch
But I stay and still stick it out with you
Even though I just hit you today but you deserved it
You hit me first and provoked me to choke you
Just cause I came home late last night
Crawled in bed and I woke you
But if there's one thing about you that I admire
It's baby, because you stay with me
Maybe cause you're as crazy as I am
Cause when I look at you
I can see an angel in your eyes but if I look deeper inside
I see a freakish little side, like a devil in disguise
You're always full of surprises
You're only 24 but you're plenty more mature
Then those other little ho's who just act like little girls
Like they're in middle school still you're crazy, sexy, cool
Chillin' you play your position you never step out of line
Even though I stay in your buisness
You've always kept out of mine
I wonder what's on your mind
Sometimes they say love is blind
Maybe that's why the first time I dotted your eye
You ain't see the sign
Or maybe you did maybe you like me in charge
baby cause we're crazy in love....
I go crazy on you
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh
You are the ink to my paper
What my pen is to my my pad
The moral, the very fiber
The whole substance to my rap
You are my reason for being
The meaning of my existance
If it wasn't for you I would never be able to spit this
As intense as I do, and the irony
Is you rely on me as much
As I rely on you to inspire me like you do
You provide me the lighter fluid to fuel in my fire
You're my entire supply of gas, the match and igniter
The only way that I'm able to stay so stable
Is you're the legs to my table,
If you were to break I'd fall on my face
But I'm always gonna make you feel
I don't need you as much as I really need you
So you don't use it to your advantage
But you're essential to me
You're the air I breathe
I believe if you ever leave me
I'd probaly have no reason to be
You are the Kim to my Marshall
You're the Slim to my Shady
The Dre to my Eminem
The Alaina to my Hailie
You are the word that I'm lookin for
When I'm tryin to describe how I feel inside
And the right one just won't come to my mind
You're like the pillow that props me up
The beam that supports me
The bitch who never took half
The wife who never divorced me
You're like the root to my evil
You let my devil come out me
You let me beat the shit out you before you beat the shit out me
And no matter how much too much is never enough
Baby cause we're crazy in love...
I go crazy on you
Crazy on you
Let me go crazy, crazy on you, ohhh | | |
| wellim goin 2 rant a lil bit ... recently lots of people have been changing sum 4 the good sum 4 the bad. Those who were my friends and r now 2 cool 2 be seen with me or jus 2 cool because the feel the need 2 pop pills and smoke weed all the time....you kno it makes me so sick 2 think of how u can be there 4 sum1 thru thick and thin and they can just turn around and dismiss u as if u were never there. right about now there are 2 people in my life who have truely made me think. one was like a sister to me , but once she got in with a new group of people her attitude changed and suddenly we were wrong 4 not including her, but w/e i wont say im sorry 4 shit that i didnt do. the other jus slowly calls me names sayin its in a joking manner but ikno its not and they r slwly throwing their life away by dong drugs and smoking and trying 2 fit in with sum1 who is so fucked up that theyre entire life is controled by weed.....now honeslty i would like 2 say that if u feel ur 2 cool 4 me or have 2 start 7th grade drama then u dont need 2 be in my life wait til shit goes bad and watch how fast ur new friends run away from u. stop and think of all the times ur tru friends that u walked out on were there 4 u....cuz ikno 4 a fact in both of the people i am talking about cases they wont be. If u want 2 turn urself in2 the very thing that u hate then good bye....im 2 old 2 play babysitter and 2 old 2 play the 7th grade " oh u dont pay enough attention 2 me" shit ...u wana fuck ur life up dont come 2 me when ur new friends dick u over, dont expect me 2 b there the one nite u get really fucked up n need me n all the people that cared about u. dont come cryin 2 me when ur new cool friends dick u either i dont have time 4 u ...if ur soo blind that u cant see ur tru friends then fuk u seriously | | |
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